Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Please, let me fuck your mom
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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