you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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