Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
