I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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