Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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