dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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