I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
