I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
