He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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