i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
