My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Randomize
