i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize