ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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