She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
