I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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