508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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