Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
