Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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