I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
