Im at strip club and am horny
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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