i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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