you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
