i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
