Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
