While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
