So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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