i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
