We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Randomize
