My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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