32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
