alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
