so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
