Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
