She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
