Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
