how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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