Umm I'm too high to move.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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