is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
