Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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