YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
