when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
