and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
