I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
