y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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