i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
