tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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