I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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