its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize