that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
