I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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