fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
