I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
