Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
