well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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