Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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