my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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