Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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