I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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