my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
