i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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