McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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