im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
