I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
