I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
