I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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