i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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