she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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