I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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