she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
