I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
