you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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