If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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