I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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