Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
