So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
