then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
