I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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