i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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