Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
