I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize