I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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