omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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