PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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